If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt
by panicpoo36
Summary: I never expected them to put up this kind of fight. Like they actually cared about me. Cared about my well being, my thoughts, my heart. Like they wanted the pain to go away. The problem is, whose attempt will work better? Summary Inside. Review Please.
1. What's Happening Hot Stuff?

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Summary:

After a life changing event at eighteen, Charlotte has sworn off people, and emotions, entirely. Except, of course, bitterness. After taking up smoking, a small eating disorder, and being a bitch, Charlotte knows that's the only way to deal with her pain. In an effort to make Charlotte herself once again, her older brother Matt brings around Kevin and Joe, two friends from Princeton, and their littlest brother Nick. But they don't stop there. In different attempts to get Charlotte to let her guard down, which one will work better? Loving her for who she already is? Or loving her for who she could, and once used to be?

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**If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt**

"Charlie!" My mom's voice was loud, screeching almost, in my empty room. Its enthusiasm bounced off the walls, echoing slightly. I winced, dotting out my cigarette carefully on the side of the house dropping the butt alongside the three story home we owned in Beverly Hills. It was a miracle that no one noticed all the cigarette ends scattered across the side of our yard, but no one really cared anymore. I think the lawn people noticed, but they obviously didn't say anything to my parents about it. I stepped off the edge of my window sill that I had been sitting on for the past while, until now.

"Charlotte Reyes! Come here!" My mom's cheerfulness was already getting on my nerves. I groaned, leaving my window open so that the smoke would leave my room. I sprayed myself and my room with perfume, shaking my arms out.

I walked to the door just as my mom was screaming my name again. "MOM! I'M COMING!" My voice was rather annoyed, but can you really blame me? I get the picture. I'm needed. Let's leave it at that. Damn.

Today was the day that Matthew, my twenty year old brother, was coming home from Princeton. What that's like, 3,000 miles away right? So hey, I'm sure I should be excited. But I am, deep down, past the façade that I don't show any emotion anymore. But it's not much of a façade. It's not my fault I'm constantly empty, staring at that stupid little silver ring that lays on my dresser staring back at me. It's not my fault.

I ran down the stairs, the sunlight pouring into my family room while my parents stood there, glancing down at their watches while whispering to each other: "We have to leave. I mean we should have left by now. Where is she?"

I looked them up and down, pulling my hood over my black hair. "I'm here." I announced with no emotion. Both of my parents looked at me, and then looked at each other.

"Well we should be going then." My mom said fluttering her hand over her purse as she grabbed it. Her excitement was running through her veins. I knew it because she never acted like this. Unless she's really enthusiastic about something. This something just happened to be my brother's arrival.

I looked at her confused. "Going where? I thought he was coming here?" I waited, creasing my eyebrows together.

My dad looked at me, my mom and him wearing the same expression. Like they were dealing with a six year old. "He is coming here. **After** we pick him up from the airport." My father answered me.

I groaned turning to go grab a pair of shoes that were nearest to me. I don't care whose shoes they were or what they looked like. I'm not running upstairs to grab a pair of my own. Luckily, I had left a pair of converse sprawled across the entryway tiles. I slipped my feet into them, walking back to my parents who were already walking across the living room and into the kitchen. My mom had gotten into the garage, opening it and tossing the keys to my father across the hood of the dark grey 2007 Mercedes SUV we had just gotten. He grabbed them effortlessly opening the driver's door and getting inside. I ran behind the car, opening the backseat and getting in.

My dad started the car, backing out of the long driveway slowly while my mom closed the garage door, along with the gate once we were out on the road. She smiled, laying her hand over my dad's. "I'm so excited Matthew's coming home."

I rolled my eyes, pushing my knees harder into the back of her seat. I haven't seen Matthew since Christmas. Oh and of course the little event that changed my life pretty much forever. He was there for that too, giving me as much support as possible. I, however, couldn't accept anything. Too afraid to let go.

I was still _semi_-excited for the beginning of this summer. The beginning of the rest of my life. After I so helplessly graduated high school, rejected the school of my dreams and planned on going to Europe to backpack while I tried '_finding myself_'. This would be the summer I could get on with what happened. To forget the past and focus on the future. And the future as of right now included Matthew coming home.

As we finally reached the airport, parking the Mercedes in the lot and jumping out to find the gate to where he was coming, I was getting more excited. "I think he's over here." I said pointing to the opposite direction of which we were heading. I stared at the screen, looking at the flight number, to the arrival time, to the gate.

My mom walked up behind me, squinting at the bright screen as well looking at the same flight as me. "Oh," She said all defeated. "Honey," She called to my dad and he turned around to walk to where we were at. "I think Charlie's right." My mom pointed to the gate number on the screen.

"Are you sure? We've been down that way. I didn't see his flight." My dad protested. My father was the type of guy to always be right about everything. No matter what it was. That's exactly where Matthew got it from. Ah, all right, I'm calling him Matt. 'Matt' is my brother, not 'Matthew'. He's too wild child for 'Matthew'.

"You know," A familiar voice from down the terminal just a ways had called to us. Its tone was matter-of-fact, or amused. "You guys never could find anything if your life depended on it."

We all turned at the same time to see Matt standing there, his bags in hand wearing that you-are-really-lucky-to-be-my-family-otherwise-I-wouldn't-love-you look. At the same time we all screamed: "Matt!" He laughed, dropping his bags to the ground while we all raced up to see him. My mom hugged him first, petting his hair while she did so.

"Oh honey, I'm so happy you made it." She said to him. My mom was obsessed with my brother. I'm not sure why though. He wasn't anything really…special. :).

Matt shrugged. "Yeah, I'm happy I'm home too." He hugged my dad after a second then looked at me. "Hey Charlotte." He smiled.

The look on my face must have been priceless because my entire family started laughing. "Charlie, please. Call me Charlie." I answered grimacing as I did so.

"Come here." He whined while he opened his arms for me. I took them instantly. Grabbing his back tight against my hands. I buried my face in his chest while he just petted my hair. If I wasn't so opposed to crying, I would have right there. Matt knew everything about everything. And you know what? I actually think he was okay with that. I leaned back, looking up at him with wide eyes and he just smiled knowingly at me.

Matt had the normal Reyes look about him. The black eyes, the black red-tinted hair, the dark Spanish skin and of course the trademark smile. Bright white teeth that gleamed ever so perfectly. He and I looked a lot alike. He was tall though, athletic build, but still slender. His style was kind of preppy, rich bitch kind of thing. He enjoyed looking like he just walked off a Lacoste ad or something. But he wore it well – making all the ladies swoon the second he walked into a room. That's where we were different. I was skinny, not athletic really, and I didn't dress like a rich bitch. I dressed like I walked off an Urban Outfitter's ad with a boho touch. I only made one boy swoon when I walked into the room, but all that's changed.

"So do you have all of your bags?" My mom asked concerned, searching my brother for some kind of default.

Matt looked around him, picking up his stuff. "No I'm good. I shipped the rest of it, so that should be here tomorrow." He started walking, my family heading back to where the car was.

I followed behind them, zipping my jacket up and then zipping it back down just so I could listen to noise over and over again. Matt finally looked at me with a weird expression. "Sometimes I wonder how we are related."

I glared at him, dropping my hands back into my pockets. "I wonder the exact same thing."

We reached the car within no time, shoving Matt's bags into the trunk of the Mercedes while I sat in the back listening to them debate over where we want to go out for Matt's 'Welcome Home' dinner. I didn't care, I don't really eat much anyways. Matt slid into the backseat with me, looking at me with a smile on his face. I gave him a nod instead. After a while of being on the road, Matt kept looking at me and finally I glared at him. "Whatcha want!" I said giving him a funny accent.

Matt shrugged, looking awkward in his state. "Nothing." He answered giving me more unwillingness. "How have you been Charlie?" He said quietly.

I got the message, the hint he was trying to give me. I didn't want to answer seriously because what has happened since then? I took up an addiction. A bad one at that. One that causes lung cancer. But I don't smoke that often, just when I'm feeling really tense and need to ease down a little bit. That happens to be more than once a week, but less than once a day. So that's good, right? At least I'm not smoking two packs a day or some shit like that. What else? Oh right, I quit eating. And when I do, I binge. And after I binge, I throw it up. Not on purpose of course. Like I'd really admit to everyone I was bulimic. _Good one_. Let's see? I have no friends, all I do is sit in my room, listening to emo-indie music while my heart continues to break. Hm, yeah Matt…I think I'm, "All right. I'm not dying or anything."

I laughed awkwardly and his face was all tensed up. I stared at him. "Matt I'm kidding, god take a joke. At least I can make one." My tone was annoyed. I hated being treated like this, all the damn time.

"Charlie, are you sure?" He asked more anxious now. God one flipping joke and suddenly I'm suicidal.

I stared back at him. "Matthew Reyes. I'm perfectly fine. My life will go on. I've come to terms with that." Actually I haven't. That's probably why the ring is still sitting on my dresser, just below the picture of him and me kissing on our anniversary.

I turned back around, just in time to catch my parents exchange a worried glance at each other. I rolled my eyes. God damn, these people should just put me in a mental hospital. I might _actually_ be sane there.

I jumped, hearing Matt's ringtone scream from his pocket in his white jean shorts. He fished it out, glancing at the screen and hit the talk button. "Hey man." He said after bringing the phone up to his ear. "What's up?" Matt's deep voice filled the car; my mom even had to check if he was talking to us or someone on the phone. I stared out the window listening to him occasionally say, "Yeah," "That would be smart." It seemed like a boring conversation until he said, "Yeah I'm home. Are you coming over later?" He nodded, like jotting notes down without pen and paper. Finally he said, "All right man, I'll talk to you soon."

He snapped his phone shut shoving it back into his pocket. I looked over at him with an evil smile. When he caught my gaze he said, "What?" innocently. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Was that your gay lover?" I teased.

Matt's eyes narrowed into mine giving me an icy stare. "Ha-ha. Good one Charlotte." He smiled devilishly back.

I widened my smile while saying, "You never answered my question."

Matt rolled his eyes. "No Charlie, I'm not gay." I laughed jokingly. "I'm not!" He argued.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Chill dude. I'm just kidding. I know you're not gay." I said honestly. My brother seemed like the last guy on earth to be gay. You really should see the kind of girls he brings home. Oh my god. "But really, who was that?" I asked more casually now.

He looked out of his window, then back at me. "That was Kevin." I felt confusion sprinkle across my face. "He's a friend from school." I still looked confused, at least I felt that way. "He lives in town as well."

I rolled my eyes again. "God, _everyone_ lives in L.A." I pulled my hoodie down further by shoving my hands deeper into my pockets. Everyone comes to L.A. to make it big, to be famous. Isn't that just annoying?

"So is he coming over later?" My mom interjected. She glanced over her shoulder at Matt with a motherly expression on her face. This meant one thing: hospitality. She was _**obsessed**_ with guests, I'm really unsure why.

Matt nodded. "Yeah if that's cool. After dinner and everything." He glanced at me once more and I finally closed my eyes tightly as if I could disappear. Oh how many times I wished this during sleepless nights. "His little brothers Joe and Nick are coming too." He almost threw to me. I think he expected me to say something, like, 'oh wow, no way!' Which most girls my age, eighteen, would really care about. But I don't. Not at all.

"How old are they?" My mom asked 'innocently'. I knew she wanted Matt to continue, hoping that maybe they would get a reaction out of me – **any** kind of reaction.

Matt was staring at me from the corner of his eye. I could feel it burning. "Well Nick's only sixteen." Too young. Thank god. I'm hoping Joe's like eight or something. That way I can just give him toy and shut him up. "Joe's a freshman at Princeton. He's nineteen." I sighed. Fuck. My age. And we all know how annoying boys are at my age.

My mom exclaimed a happy gasp. "Oh that's great." No, no it's not. "Did you hear that Charlie?" My mom asked me. I rolled my eyes. No I didn't hear that. No I don't care. "He's your age." Fantastic. I feel like we're all playing match-maker or something. _**I'm not interested**_. "You guys can hang out."

"Yeah! Totally!" I finally retorted, snapping my eyes open wide with a huge fake grin. My tone was so sarcastic it was almost evil. "We can, like, paint each other's nails and tell each other all of our secrets!" I looked at Matt, putting my hand over his. "Oh my gosh, isn't this just so exciting?!" I dropped the façade instantly taking back my hand and stuffing it into my pocket. I shook my head. "I'm not hanging out with that kid." I answered.

"Charlotte." My father's booming voice was now stern. Something I didn't hear often. But when I did, the fear in my body was definitely present. "Maybe you should give him a chance before you completely blow him off."

I scoffed, looking out the window. "No, I'm not blowing him off. We never had plans." I came back with. My anger level was rising, and at this very moment I was dying for a cigarette.

My mom's voice came back. "Charlie, you know that Nathan would have wanted you to move on with your life." I gritted my teeth as the unspoken name was officially…**spoken**. My mom knew not to go there. She knew damn good and well.

I clenched my teeth, my voice hissing through the enclosed space. "Mom, maybe you should just stick to giving advice to crazy people rather than speaking for the dead." I closed my eyes as my throat automatically tightened up at the word.

After that, the car was awkward, silent. My mom was the only one who ever mentioned it. She was the one to talk about it when I hadn't started the conversation. I tried letting it die, how ironic my choice of words, the conversation should just leave entirely. But it seemed like my mom couldn't let it go. The car ride home seemed to drag on, like it had taken hours to get to our neighborhood. Finally when we pulled up, I jumped out of the car, running up the stairs like a maniac and sat on my window sill, debating whether or not I should light up once more today. I had a plausible reason.

"Charlie?" My mom knocked on my door as she opened it slowly. My family doesn't knock and then come in. They don't come in and then knock. No, they knock _while_ coming in. My family is so original – so mental actually.

At this moment I was happy I didn't light up. I'd be yelled at even more than before for smoking in the house. Well, smoking at all. "Can I come in and talk?" She asked me. Not like I was going to answer. Like I was going to smile and be all 'sure! Why not?' Not happening. She made her way slowly across the room taking a seat on my bed and staring at the ground. I sat still, peering across the neighborhood. I didn't want to give her the courtesy of looking at her. She sighed quietly. "Charlie, I'm really sorry that I said that earlier. I know that was totally uncalled for."

"Try completely one hundred percent uncalled for. **Unneeded**." I snapped back harshly while giving her the evil eye from the window.

My mom nodded, hanging her head. "I know. I'm just saying I'm sorry." She sighed when she realized I wasn't going to accept it or reject it. "Charlie, it's just," She paused searching in the sea of her vocabulary for the right words, "it's just that I want to help you." She said honestly. "You're not showing any signs of moving on, and I'm not even sure what I can do, or for that matter, _anyone_ can do to help you out." She shrugged, putting her hand on my leg lightly like she was afraid I'd slap her. "We just want you to be you again."

I tried focusing on one house, one place, one time. Unfortunately my vision wasn't allowing me to do so. My mom was just trying to help. Like everyone had been trying to help. And what have I done? I've pushed them away with my smart ass comments and rudeness. My mom was right, I _wasn't_ myself anymore. I'm not sure if I could ever be that Charlotte Reyes again.

I finally turned to look at her, my eyes sincere, and I was feeling vulnerable. That feeling rarely came anymore. I felt the emptiness wash over me, my heart pounding against my chest as I tried not crying. I nodded, smiling sadly. "I know mom. I know." I said as I placed my hand on top of hers.

**--**

"Hey Charlie," Matt breathed into my room as he walked past it. He paused, leaning inside as I sat in front of my door that was a mirror. It led into the giant closet that was all mine. However, I rarely went in there anymore. It held something wretched, a disgusting reminder of the past. I tugged at my hair, braiding it lazily. "They are here." Matt said.

I finished my braids, they extended to my boobs since my hair was so long. My loose curls added something different to the braids – how about, not normalcy? I patted my hair down, looking up at Matt with a confused expression. "Who's here?"

He sighed exhausted. "The boys Charlie. The boys!" He walked away from my room stomping down the steps. I listened to him tell both of my parents, my mom already prepared things for them to snack on. Gosh she was a freak.

We had been back at the house for a while, after we ate and said our official welcomes to Matt. It was going to be nice having him home for the summer. I missed having company all the time. With my mom always gone during the day. She was therapist, and a very popular one at that. My dad on the other hand owned a chain of restaurants. That should probably explain all the nice cars and huge gated houses. Yeah…

I sat up, glancing at my concave stomach. My ribs were sticking out, but I wasn't like disgustingly thin or anything. At least in my opinion. I can't even imagine what my mom has thought about this. I threw on a black Princeton t-shirt along with a pair of white basketball shorts. The white made my legs look tan, which therefore made them look toned and hot. I walked to the edge of my room, glancing down into the entryway as I heard Matt opening the front door.

I snapped back the instant I heard their voices. I don't want to meet them, I don't care about them. I'm just going downstairs to watch movies all night by myself. _All_ the way downstairs. That might be impossible to pass by them without being noticed. I mean I am the only girl here. And I'm sure Matt has told them about me – simply because he wants me to move on with my life.

Like I'd really do it with one of these losers.

I sighed, turning off my light and closing my door all the way so that no one would go inside. I hated that, when people went into your room without your knowledge of it. Biggest pet peeve ever! I walked down the hall, tugging on the end of one of my French braids as I stepped on the top of the stairs. I tried hard to be invisible, my hardest actually. I reached the end of the stairs where Matt and his friends were standing, talking to my parents. I closed my eyes tightly, running my hand down the railing as I reached the bottom step. My toes met the cold tile floor and I pivoted swiftly the other direction toward the basement door. I was so close, _so close_ to getting away without being noticed!

"Charlie," My dad's voice has overcome my quest. He terminated me. I stayed where I was, my body half seen by the new arrivals and my face was panicked. I didn't want to meet them, seriously I didn't. "Charlie, come and meet Matt's friends."

I gnawed on my bottom lip as I turned back around. I stepped unwilling toward the group of six. I tried not looking at them, knowing that I was going to have to fake this happy-welcome-to-our-house shit. My braid seemed most interesting at this very moment as I picked it up, placing it on my shoulder and pulling down my shirt a little bit.

"Charlie, this is everyone." Matt finally said, pointing to his awkward friends as they stayed in the doorway.

I looked up at Matt, giving him one sarcastic look before I said, "Wow, that's specific." My mom's gaze seemed more scolding now as I stood there.

Matt rolled his eyes. "That's Kevin." He pointed to the oldest looking guy. His hair was curly, a dark coffee color. His eyes were brown as well, his skin paled compared to his brothers. He was tall, but not the tallest, slender with muscular arms. His style was more preppy, rich bitch like my brother's. It finally clicked on why they got along so well. Kevin smiled at me, his teeth white and straight. I could spy the gum in the back of his mouth wedged between two molars. "Hey, it's nice to meet you." Kevin had replied.

I bounced up on the balls of my feet, giving him a forced tired smile. Matt moved on. "That's Nick." Matt pointed to the one on the end closest to me. I wondered why he purposely skipped the middle brother, but I had a hunch. Nick's hair was curly just like Kevin's. But a shade lighter, and it was closer to his head giving him a James Bond look while his face stayed serious. His style was much like Kevin's besides the fact he seemed brighter and younger. He didn't give me much besides a small smile. Wow, nice manners kid.

Matt looked at my parents, who were looking at me as I continued giving the same smile over and over again. The one that said: I really don't want to be here right now. Finally Matt pointed to the middle one. The one with nice straight black hair that was long enough to run your fingers through. His face was happy, like go-for-gold! kind of happy. His smile was brighter than the others probably since he was the tannest of them all. The tallest as well. His style resembled mine, urban, different, eclectic. But he used bright colors and weird patterns. "This is Joe." Matt finally said after giving me a full stare down trying to egg me on with his mind.

I, as always, ignored them all. I looked at each brother giving them yet another smile. This time it was more polite. "It was really nice to meet you all." My over cheeriness was already annoying myself. I really can't think I'm pulling this off. "But I'm going to excuse myself." I batted my eyelashes pretending I cared, then I looked at my parents. "You all have a blast!" I said quietly and with a thick coat of sarcasm.

I turned around, heading back to where I was originally going to. I climbed down the steps, into the large basement that held a giant entertainment center with a huge television screen. I scanned the movies, picking Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, and then Juno. I'd get my 1980's classics with a touch of today. I put them into the multiple-DVD changer we had and pushed the tray in. I grabbed the remote to the DVD player and the surround sound, oh and the television itself. I walked back to the last row, sitting in the middle while I turned the volume up on Sixteen Candles. I placed the remotes next to me, inside the chair's arms.

I was barely even through the beginning of it, when I heard footsteps, many at that, come stomping down the stairs. I sighed. Fuck, it's been five minutes and I already hate their guts. At least give me some time to form some kind of hatred. I tried keeping my eyes on the television as the four of them poured into the basement. Matt and Kevin were already talking, while Nick stood back awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. Joe was walking over so that he could see the screen. He watched for a second, then looked at me.

"Sixteen Candles?" He asked. His face was up in an amused smile. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Was he being nice or trying to tease me?

I couldn't help but look away from the TV. I stayed where I was, trying to remain untouched as Matt and Kevin walked to where I was, sitting down besides me. Kevin was farthest away on the end. I still stared at Joe. "Of course. Molly Ringwald is the best." My voice was dry and bored, but still contained some kind of emotion, a little bit at least.

Joe shook his head once. "I'm not sure. Anthony Michael Hall really has her running for her money. He's pretty damn funny."

I stared at Joe, afraid of how exactly he knew all this. I mean I can't imagine him sitting home on a Saturday night in his basement watching Sixteen Candles alone. God forbid he went to Princeton with my brother, and he looked like _that_. Not like I'd say that out loud. There was no way. I didn't disagree with him though, instead I just looked back at the TV while Nick jumped across the screen while he walked over to his oldest brother's side. He took a seat, and they all settled in. Except Joe.

Joe watched while standing in front of the first row. He glanced back at us then walked to my side of the aisle. I prayed he wouldn't actually sit down. Them sitting down meant they were here to stay. And obviously Joe had seen this movie before, he said he thought Anthony Michael Hall was damn funny, therefore he liked him. Therefore he would probably stay and finish the, what three out of five movies, he was in? Oh damn it!

As predicted, Joe took a seat next to me, crossing his leg over his other one. His fingers on the side of his face while he smiled at the movie. I glanced at the boys surrounding me, their eyes glued to the TV. This…was…**not**…happening.

"Matt?" I asked, my voice full of annoyance and ready to snap at anyone at any moment. Matt turned to me, looking alarmed. "What do you think you are doing?" I tried hinting to him to go away, to leave me the hell alone in my peace. My emptiness.

Instead he smiled brightly. "I'm watching a movie. What are you doing?" He asked innocently back. But he knew what he was doing. He knew I wouldn't bark at him in front of his friends. I'm a bitch, but not _that_ big of one. So, strangely, I recoiled back into my seat, facing forward like that's what I had been told to do.

And just like I that, I stayed listening to the people talking and the boys around me chuckling. I think I even cracked a smile when Long Duk Dong leaned over the bunk bed and said: _"What's happening hot stuff?"_

**--**

**:). New Story. Go Figure. I told you I had an inspiration over my vacations. Enjoy please, you'll learn a lot about what's going on later.**

_**REVIEW**_** please!! To tell me what you're thinking about this. That would be grand!**

**PEACE AND LOVE.**


	2. Don't Tell Him Anything

**If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt**

"What's next?!" Joe asked excitedly from the seat next to me. Like I had foreseen, the boys stayed. And like I said, Joe really was in love with Anthony Michael Hall. That's probably why he kept leaning over to me in the Sixteen Candles and said, _"He's my favorite! I was like that when I was in high school."_ Of course I replied snippily with, _"Oh, so you were a creep?"_ The conversation stopped there.

It took, well basically, **everything** in my power not to punch him in the face. He kept talking, and talking. Asking me questions like, _"so how old are you Charlotte?"_ I grimaced at the name, of course, and at the fact he actually wanted to know things about me. Because I sure as hell didn't want to tell him.

I sighed, giving Matt the eye evil from my seat, while awaiting the next and last movie, Juno. Matt brought this upon me, and now I hated him for it. "Juno." I replied dryly to Joe's question.

Joe leaned out in front of him, looking down the aisle toward his brothers. "Do you remember when we saw this in theatres!?" Joe asked animatedly. I swear he was like a two year old on crack. An energizer bunny if you will. He just never quit. Or maybe I was too tired to deal with him. Well either way, I just wanted him to stop.

It took all I had not to look down the aisle at who he was talking to. Even though I hated his guts, I was still curious. He was so open about himself, and I was just the opposite. I kept everything bottled up, shutting people out of my life. He just seemed so different to me. Like a foreign country, with a different language, different styles of life.

"That was so much fun! We got kicked out." One of them explained. I itched my neck, trying to make it not obvious to get a glance at who was talking. They quit talking and so they all just sat there, staring in my direction but looking at Joe. Besides Kevin, who I noticed looking at me. My eyes were on him for a mere second before I continued staring at the giant screen, watching the previews unfeelingly. I didn't deserve this. This was punishment. Punishment for reacting to something that changed my life.

"Oh my god. That was so funny! Weren't we asked never to come back?" Joe continued on. His voice glowing with happiness at the memory. Joe got kicked out of a movie? What a surprise. They probably told him to shut up, to quit talking. But you wouldn't be asked to not come back. Unless he did it that frequently. This, duh, wouldn't surprise me!

Nick shrugged, and I figured he was the source of the voice. "I can't remember. But that lady was so pissed!" Nick laughed. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, his face suddenly melted into something softer, nicer. I was confused on why he acted like he couldn't talk. To not speak unless spoken to. But Joe didn't have the balls to put Nick in his place. Not, like, say me. So then why was Nick so, completely and utterly, quiet? That's just annoying as hell.

Joe laughed, his face scrunching up and he slapped his knee. Seriously. Slapping your knee? **Who does that**!? "That was such a great night." And that's where Joe left it at. The little voice in the back of my mind was raising her tone at the one that constantly occupied my mind now. The black, cold voice that screamed at me all the time. The little voice was saying, _"Ask him what happened. It's a good conversation starter."_ While the other one just scoffed, laughing harshly while saying_,_ _"Because you really want to talk to that stupid ass? How about no."_

I closed my eyes tight trying to make them both shut up. This indecision. This Charlotte today vs. the Charlotte from the past. They needed to stop, I needed to not think. I shook my head slightly, planting my fingers into the sides of my chair, grabbing with all the strength I had. They needed to leave. _"Talk to him. He's cute." "Oh my god, are you kidding? Look at his hair, its sick! Come on, you know how gross long hair is on boys." "It looks really good on him though, making his eyes all mysterious and whatnot."_ I was beginning to bite into the bottom of my lip as I sank back in my seat. I opened my eyes with a snap. I felt Matt's gaze on me, trying to stare but afraid I would catch him. I sucked in a staggered breath, standing up in one swift move. I just need a little fresh air. Just for a second.

I kept my eyes on the stairs, leaving the screen at Juno's main menu and not pressing play. I desired to get out. I reached for the railing, pulling myself up the stairs slowly, taking deep uneasy breaths as I did so. I got to the top stair, taking one look around the kitchen and sighed happily. I'm free. Free of the old Charlotte. The one that should have been buried with Nathan. But she refused to die.

I sauntered to the cabinets, opening one up and grabbing a hold of a large cup that was glass. It matched all the other cups, making it no different than the rest. I called this normalcy, the thing I longed for. At least, normalcy in a different way. Normalcy in the **mind**. The next stop I made was in front of the refrigerator, shoving my cup under the ice machine, then changing the mode on it to water.

This is what I needed. A cold drink to clear all the senses. I brought the glass to my lips, sipping on the cold contents, letting it run down my throat smoothly while my breathing had finally calmed. That's when I noticed him, standing there on the other side of the room.

I sucked in my breath, my heart pounding against my chest and my stomach twisted in one hundred different ways. The glass cup in my hand, slipped, hitting the hard wood floor in an earsplitting crash. I jumped backwards, avoiding the glass pieces flying at my toes, the cold water splashing on my shins. My hand went up to my chest, afraid that, yes, I was going to die.

That's when I _really_ looked at him. "What the **FUCK**!" I screamed my voice loud and animated. It was harsh with venom and accusation. I narrowed my eyes, the anger in my body filling me up every ounce. "You can't just sneak up on someone like that Joe." I yelled, looking away from him to the ground.

"Oh I'm sor-" He began. His voice was actually sad and remorseful. The look in Joe's eyes was regretful, like he really didn't mean to do it.

But I rolled my eyes anyways, my eyes kept to the broken glass on the floor around me. "Great, this is fantastic." I muttered, cutting his apology short, picking up the big pieces of glass and throwing them into the trashcan that was only inches from me. I looked up at Joe. "What's your deal anyways?" I spat, my words came out fast, jumbled almost. "Can't I have like **ONE** moment to myself?"

Joe's eyes creased for a moment, confusion sprinkled across his appearance. "I was just coming up to get some water." He paused looking at me and I wanted to snap at him yet again. But I think I've already done that enough for five seconds. "Matt said you were probably in the bathroom so I was in the clear."

Of course Matt would say that. But then again, I really _could_ have been in the bathroom. HORSE SHIT, I don't care if that was credible. The fact was that he scared the shit out of me, and I broke a glass. "Well obviously not." I retorted icily.

I walked to the counter by the stove, grabbing a couple of paper towels. Joe took a step toward me, looking like a helpless child. "Can I help you clean up?" He shrugged, giving me a puppy face.

I scowled, looking at him with black eyes. "I think you've done enough for right now." I hissed at him. I walked back to the water, putting the towels down over the puddle. The white of the towel was replaced by a light shade of grey, showing that it was working.

Joe was suddenly in front of me, bending over the mess like I was, but he was staring up at me. "Are you sure? There's a lot of glass." He started grabbing the damp towels, tossing them into the trashcan.

I looked up at him like he was a disgusting creature. God I wish he'd just leave me the hell alone. "I'm fine. I can do this by myself." I answered. I can do anything by myself. I actually preferred it that way. I began picking up the pieces of left over glass, swiftly, tossing them away. Joe started to talk once again, "Are you sure?" While at the same time I answered, "Yes I'm sure-_FUCK!"_ I cried in pain. I winced, falling back on my butt and pushing myself into the cabinets. "God _damn it!"_ I screamed at myself.

Joe stopped instantly, looking at me then down to where I winced. I held my hand close to me, feeling the burning sensation. I put it in my line of vision, under the light to get a better look. The gash was not much, but the pain was almost unbearable. The glass clearly cut my skin easily. I was so fragile, so easy to break. So why hadn't it been me instead of Nathan?

"Are you all right?" Joe asked with his voice concerned and all loving. I grimaced at the sound of it being all velvet, so comforting enough to hold onto forever.

I shielded away from him, the blood dripping down on my bare legs. "Yes I'm fine." I lied unhappily. My façade wasn't letting anyone touch me. I don't care how much he tried.

Joe seemed reluctant as he reached around, grabbing a hold of my shoulder and pulling it. He turned me around slowly, no matter how hard I really was fighting back. He grabbed my hand from me, holding it up to his face. He examined it carefully. "Ouch. We should really clean this." His eyes flashed up to me.

I continued staring at him, wondering how he could be this nice when all I had done was be so rude. I turned my innocent gaze into a glare. "No shit Sherlock." I answered, ripping my hand from his grasp and cradling it to my chest once again. I stood up angrily, while Joe did the same. Of course his was more graceful, blameless, and he wasn't angry. I flipped around giving him a good scoff. "GOD DAMN IT!" I screamed once more as now I was on one foot for the fact **another** shard of glass entered my body. I hopped around, reaching for the counter to steady myself. I cried of pain, "Oh my god. Why does this keep happening?!" I asked myself through clenched teeth.

"Because you wouldn't let me help you." Joe replied nicely. He held a smile on his face like he found this as a funny act of karma. I, however, didn't find it funny one bit. I was now bleeding from my foot and my hand. Two things I need in every day life.

"Shut up." I said to him. My tone was more like, 'I'm not admitting that you're right.' Because he was. Right I mean. I leaned back on the counter, my other hand going out to hold myself up. When I winced again, Joe appeared at my side.

"Come on, let's clean you up." He said tiredly. Joe held his hand out for me to take. I didn't, instead staring at it with such intensity. Joe rolled his eyes, grabbing me around the waist. I tried twisting my way out of it, but I was rejected by the counter. It told me that I had no choice. Joe was going to help me whether I liked it or not. Joe grabbed at my knee, hoisting me up in the air in one quick movement. I felt scared, reacting promptly by putting my arms around his neck.

This is a ploy. I know. I can feel it. He just wants to man-handle me. But I don't have much of a choice do I? Unless I feel like dying from glass cuts. Joe acted like handling me wasn't a big deal, that I weighed nothing. I felt self-conscious even though I haven't had any meals today. Joe threw me up on the counter next to the sink. He positioned me to where my feet were in the sink, and my hand was under the faucet.

He turned the water on slowly, testing it out with his finger before he glanced up at me. I chewed on my bottom lip, watching the clear water running across his tan skin then continue its way down the drain. His touch scared me as he grabbed the back of my lower leg. His fingers were warm, comforting as he guided my foot upward under the water. I moved my glance to his face, which seemed to be in utter concentration. Or like he wanted to say something, but fought the urge. His other hand was now on my toes, making the water hit the right places. I sucked in a breath, as the pain became noticeable again. Joe's eyes fell on me now checking if I was all right. I wanted to tell him yes, that I was but I refused to say anything.

When the cut on my foot seemed fine, he reached for my hand. I shivered as his fingers worked themselves over my own. I kept my eyes down from now on, scared to make eye contact.

"You know," Joe said quietly. His tone was matter-of-fact and happy. I have to admit, I was scared to know. I tried concentrating on not looking up at him. "That was the most you've said all night." He glanced up at me, giving me a half-smile I wished never existed.

I dropped my bottom lip from my teeth, twisting my face back into an evil scowl. Joe's hands were still holding mine and I had an urge to rip it away. But the fact was: I **didn't**. "Well congratu-fucking-lations. Want a cookie?" I mocked him.

Joe looked at me, dropping my hand while he took a step back. "Why are you like that?" He asked casually. It wasn't anything mean like 'you're such a bitch you know that?' It was more like, 'why are you like that?' _Seriously_. I know, it freaked me out too.

"Like what?" I snapped back again. Of course I knew the answer. It was this. This bitch side of me that I only showed people I pushed away. But did I really want to admit that to anyone besides myself? No, of course not. Don't be stupid!

Joe shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. His tone didn't change, but now his eyes seemed curious. "You're just like that. Snapping at everyone. Why do you act like you don't need anyone's help?" He asked.

I scoffed, unhappily as always. I turned off the water while swinging my feet over the counter. I glowered at him as I said, "I don't need anyone's help." My tone was evil as I jumped off the countertop and onto the ground. I whined again, the pain shooting up my leg as the open cut touched the hardwood floor. I fell forward, and two arms were instantly there to catch me.

I looked up to Joe as he cradled me in his arms. There was an amused smile across his face that just made me feel different. Something I haven't felt in a long time. "Yeah, right. You don't need anyone's help." He said sarcastically as I pushed myself up from his body to stand on my own.

I steadied myself, propped up on one foot while I tried ignoring the pain from the other. "I'm fine all by myself." I answered truthfully. Again, I preferred being alone. That way I can just fall back into the nothingness I have and stay that way. I gave Joe another icy look.

The amused smile disappeared, although his face was still happy and untouched. "I can see that." He said cheerfully. I wanted to punch him more than anything right now. _**More than anything**_. "Come on, let's get you upstairs."

He reached out for me, and I shied away from his touch. Scared that maybe it'd have the same effect on me as earlier. "No, I can do it by myself." I responded. I hobbled past Joe, jumping on one leg as I did so. Why did he have to be so, ugh I can't believe I'm saying this, helpful? I mean clearly I was telling him to leave me the hell alone. Yet here he is, acting like I said nothing at all.

Take

_A_

**Hint**.

I was halfway to the stairs up to the third floor when I realized that Joe was right behind me, his arms out like he was ready to catch me if I fell. Ugh, leave me alone! "What are you doing?" I sighed as I turned around to glower at him once more. "I told you I could do it by myself."

Joe shrugged, putting his hands into his pockets while he smiled up at me. "Just because you can do it by yourself doesn't mean I don't have to make sure." His smile widened as I was standing there without any kind of come back. Of course I could have answer with, 'I don't want you to make sure. I'm fine'. But that seemed way more than immature.

"Now come on, we're almost there." He said like guiding a child. I turned around, obliging. I hopped again, closer to my destination. How did he do that? Have such a way with words? I hated the fact that he could just make me do this. To make me listen.

Man my mom would go crazy if she was here right now.

I was so close to my door, but yet he was still following right behind me. I wish he would just go away. I feel like he's watching my ass or something. I mean, it's nonexistent thanks to all the weight I've shed. I reached for the handle of my door, and just as I was turning it, I stopped. "You know," I said mocking his voice from earlier. I was pivoting around on my foot, looking evil as I imitated him. "Now that I'm at my room, you can walk away."

I wish he'd just understand I don't want him near. No matter how intoxicating he comes off to be. But he just smiled, leaning forward to place his hand against mine once more. "I will after I know you're safe in your bed." He breathed to me as he held my fingers on the handle. He twisted it, opening it slowly while his eyes never left mine.

At that moment I wanted to cut him off before he could step foot into my room. But there was a new emotion as he opened the door. It was, at least I recognized it as embarrassment. I didn't want him in my room. The empty reminder of myself, and who I've become. That's what shot through my veins as he sneaked past me, holding a smile, and went right into my bedroom.

I hopped once, watching him with wide eyes. I haven't let anyone in my room since the past. Well my parents, and Matt. But that's it. Well I guess that's all I really had. It's not like I had tons of friends. Well I did, but you know what? I pushed them all away with my new attitude. That's probably why rejecting the college of choice, where my old best friends were going, was the smartest thing to do. Now going to Europe, spending months in Spain with my Grandma seemed like a very smart idea.

Joe's eyes didn't seem to leave my body, still afraid that I was going to fall and needed to be rescued. Ah, shiver. Fucking word. That struck me odd. Not even one glance around the threshold, NOT ONE. I instantly went to my bed, taking a seat on the edge and stretching out my leg so that my cut wouldn't touch the carpet but at least I could rest it. I stared down at it, remembering what my mom had once told me: "Feeling pain is a sign that you're alive." That was well after I had been numb for so long, numb from everything and everyone.

"Do you have Band-Aids?" Joe asked suddenly as I looked up at him. His voice startled me in a way, but I didn't flinch. He had his hands in his pockets, seriously happy that he had gotten to take care of me like this. He had that look that said, "I win".

I stared at him, my face blank as I nodded. He seemed surprised as I caved. I pointed aimlessly to the nightstand next to my bed. "The first drawer." I said quietly like I was afraid someone would overhear me giving up.

Joe's walk was graceful as he strolled past me, opening up the drawer and retracting the box of Band-Aids. He began to laugh. "You smoke?" He looked over his shoulder at me with a sickly pleased face.

I instantly hissed. "Shut up!" I said noting that the door to my room was still open. I glared at him. "Shut the fucking door if you're going to say that!" I told him. His head whipped around as he realized what I meant. He grabbed the Band-Aids, embracing them in one hand while walking to the door and shutting it silently. He walked back to where I was sitting, as I gave him a freaked out look.

I didn't exactly mean for him to shut the door. That meant we were alone, away from the rest of the world. And that meant he was officially in my world of nothingness. Joe appeared at my feet, sitting on the ground Indian style. He took my foot in his hands once again, and I felt the warmth spreading around my ankle as Joe placed it in his lap.

"So you didn't answer my question." Joe said as he reached inside the box taking out one long Band-Aid and ripping off the wrapping. He placed it aside and glanced up at me.

I shrugged. "I don't have to." Was really my response? Oh my god, that was heinous!!

Joe laughed quietly, looking back at my foot while he slowly placed the Band-Aid over my cut. He smoothed the material down along my foot, making it tingle as he did so. Ugh, fucking boys and their magical touch.

"Well you know it's bad for you." He said wryly. His eyes poured into mine. Joe opened his hand for me to put my own into it. I did unwillingly and very slowly.

"Thank you caption obvious." I raised an eyebrow while he got off the ground, taking the seat next to me. I scooted away from him instantly, giving more than a couple of inches between us. He had another bandage in his hand, opening it more slowly than before. Glacier pace. For real, I know.

Joe's eyes were down, and I tried not studying his features. I turned away, looking over my shoulder out the window. The moon was out, only halfway there. But it still shined down, reflecting off all the blackened roofs and giant pools. "It gives you cancer. Like lung cancer, cancer of the throat and mouth." He started going, and I had a terrible feeling he wasn't going to stop. "It makes it harder to breathe when you do physical things." Like I do anything physical. "But you're skinny enough, so you probably don't work out." He said sadly like I had done something that disappointed him. For the first time tonight I could actually sense that out of him. "It gives you bad breath, and you always have a bad smell following you. It's like in your hair, and your clothes. It's always on your skin." He wrapped the Band-Aid around my hand. I don't smell do I? Is that what he's trying to tell me? "It stains your teeth as well." I don't have yellow teeth. That I know. "Do you have trouble sleeping?" He asked. Yes, terribly. I didn't answer, well of course not! I'm not giving him the satisfaction! "Yeah, that's a side effect as well." He nodded, his fingers running over the bandage again smoothly. This time I didn't feel any tingles, probably because here he was already pissing me off when I was being semi-civil. "You know it's pretty costly too. I mean have you seen the prices? Oh man." He sighed in shock.

I snapped my head around toward him. Giving him daggers. "I got it, okay?" I cut him off angrily. I really didn't want to be lectured. I've heard this every since like 6th grade. I'm sure it's imprinted in my brain pretty well.

"Okay," Joe replied while letting go of my hand very cautiously. I took it back, glancing down at the band-aid he had put on. He did a very nice job. "I was just saying, you know about the smoking." He said like he didn't mean to do any harm.

But I didn't accept that. Instead I laughed harshly. "Oh really, so since you're just, you know schooling me about my own addiction. How about you tell me the side effects of anorexia? Or bulimia? That would be pretty damn helpful too." I looked fiercely at him once more.

He flinched at the words that I was spitting at him. He acted like he didn't understand what I was saying. But he should have clearly gotten the message. "I-I, I'm sorry."

I shrugged, standing up on both of my feet while he stayed on my bed. I walked around my room triumphantly while heading straight for my nightstand. The pain from my foot made me want to cry of hurt, but I refused to show anymore emotions in front of Joe Jonas. Not tonight. "Yeah that's what I thought." I rolled my eyes, ripping the drawer open and grabbing a cigarette from its box and reaching for the lighter. I walked back to the window, not giving Joe another look while he stared amazed at me. I shoved the window open, taking my normal seat on the sill.

I stuffed the cigarette end in my mouth bringing the lighter up to the other end and flicking it on. The moment it was lit I took a long drag, removed the cigarette from my mouth and blew out a deep, relieved breath. "See no harm done." I said to Joe looking at him from the corner of my eye. "I'm not dead am I?"

He shook his head in a daze watching me take another hit of the cigarette in my fingertips. "At least not yet." He answered quietly. "It gives you cancer." He shrugged again looking gloomy. Something different than his usual upbeat cheeriness.

I laughed venomously again. "Yeah I'll remember that when I'm buying another pack. Or better yet, when I'm taking another hit." Just to give him the message, I stared right into his hazel eyes, taking yet another long drag.

He looked at me as well, our eyes locked. "Why do you do it?" He asked simply.

I stopped, the cigarette halfway to my mouth yet again. _Why do I do it?_ The simple question caught me completely off guard. I never once asked myself that. Seriously, why did that question seem so hard to answer? I started it after Nathan was gone. Actually that week, in burning tears I went to the gas station. My shorts shorter than I've ever worn, and my shirt belonged to him. My hair was up in a messy bun and I think my eyes were as red as lava. The tears kept coming as I walked up to the counter, sniffling as I sobbed: _"I need cigarettes."_ The person behind the counter looked at me, giving me a look of sympathy as they dove into the explanations between the different brands. I shrugged picking whatever I remembered and threw my I.D. at her while giving her some cash. I took the cigarettes and ran back to my car, starting it up and came straight back to my room with them under my shirt.

And I sat there at my window for hours, staring at the box and the lighter I had in my other hand. One cigarette won't kill me. It'll simply make me…**numb**.

That's where it began. The numbness, the escape of whatever was going on. It calmed me, put me at ease. But is that why I did it? I needed an escape from the pain? I looked back at Joe, his face still curious as I took yet another hit.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door as I screamed, "Fuck!" I fumbled around, dotting the cancer stick out on the side of my house. I dropped it to the ground, not caring to see where it landed like I usually did. I heard the door open to my room and I turned around to look who was entering.

"Charlotte?" The voice questioned. Then it stopped before it said, "Joe?" The tone was completely different as Matt realized that his friend was sitting on my bed in my room. When Matt had barely been able to touch my comforter. My older brother seemed surprised that Joe was with me. And that yes, Joe was not in tears from my bitchiness.

I looked at Matt, licking my upper lip. "What do you want?" I said with a little iciness to it.

Matt looked at Joe, whose eye were still on me. Matt shrugged looking back at me. "Nothing I was just looking for Joe." He paused as I glanced down at Joe then finally Matt asked, "What are you all doing?"

I instantly replied with, "Nothing." I didn't want Matt to think we were actually conversing. That our conversation was lasting more than a few seconds of unhappiness.

"Joe?" Matt questioned. I knew he was just using this like, 'Joe tell me the truth. What the hell are you doing in her room?' I prayed to God Joe wouldn't tell him that I cut my foot and my hand. That he had to help me. Matt knew better than anyone I didn't let people touch me.

I stared at Joe telling him with my eyes to shut up. Joe smiled looking at my older brother and shrugged. "Nothing. I was just telling her goodnight." That was the biggest lie ever. But at least it wasn't the truth. I, first off, wouldn't have let Joe into my room to tell me goodnight. Especially with the door shut.

Matt made an O with his face. "All right. Well we are going to start some new movies. You guys are staying the night right?" Matt glanced up at me to see my reaction to this. I gave him nothing.

Joe nodded. "Yeah we are."

My brother nodded as well. "All right, well I'll be downstairs." He said giving me one long stare down as he left the room quietly. I sat there on my window sill, staring at the door frame of which Matt disappeared.

I knew good and well that Joe was going to be bombarded with questions about what really went on. But I waited until Joe stood up and said, "Well I better be going."

"Don't tell him anything." I said through my clenched teeth. My unseeing eyes focused on him. "_Anything_." I emphasized again.

Joe nodded. "All right, I can do that." He looked serious. Was he really going to follow through with that? Or sell me out to my own brother and tell him all about how he held me, and cared for me? Oh god. Joe walked to the door, his hand on the doorknob. He twisted his body toward me once again. "Goodnight Charlie." He said quietly like he didn't want to upset me anymore than he had already. He gave me a small side smile before opening the door. He took one step out of the room before I said, "Joe?"

My voice came out awkward, like the words that were burning inside of me tasted funny and made me want to puke. But in truth, they kind of did. He turned around, looking surprised as I said his name so easily. "Yes?" He asked.

I sucked up a breath, I can't believe I'm actually going to say this. I'm breaking so many rules of my façade right now. "Thanks." I whispered uneasily.

My eyes flashed up to him, and his facial expression was overjoyed, like he couldn't believe I actually said that. "You're welcome!" He said happily like he wanted to run over and hug me for it.

I turned my harmless face into my normal. "Now leave!" I pointed to the door and he obeyed. I wasn't letting him think he got to me since I said my graces to him. No fucking way.

**--**

**Haha. I love this story. This is awesome!!**

**Anyways, here is a really fun fact that I find…INCREDIBLE.**

**The first chapter of this story got more reviews than the first chapter of Guilty Pleasure. Well not when you look now because now the first chapter of GP has like 50 something. But I did the math and subtracted the ones I got after I posted the second chapter. But I'm like 80 perfect sure that this one got more. That's just crazy!**

**Anyways, I bet you're wondering why Joe's so nice, right? Haha. Well I'm not sure. But guys I'm have trouble finding how Nick can fit into this story. Like I know what I'm going to do with Kevin and everything. But nick's just…quiet in this story. Any ideas?!**

**I LOVE YOU GUYS.**

**PEACE AND LOVE!**


	3. Thanks Obi Wan Kenobi

**If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt**

**The Next Morning**

It was no surprise that they stayed the night. Matt had even asked Joe in front of me, but I didn't know it was going to be _this_ hard to avoid them the next morning. I mean, I couldn't exactly go downstairs and 'grab something to eat' with them all captivating the kitchen. I wanted to, I did. But luckily it was Monday morning, meaning both mom and dad are gone at work. The moral of them working out in offices, means they didn't make me come down and sit at the table and chit chat about our lives and our goals and whatever else they cooked up – that's ironic, you know with the cooked and the breakfast.

But now, it was just me, Matt and the three stooges.

After Joe dropped me off in my room last night, I stayed there. I didn't want to go back downstairs to converse with the rest of them. If Joe's like **that**, I can only imagine what the rest of them would be like. Ugh, God help their souls. I did stay up though. I waited, watching the moon light up the unseen by most eyes. I thought over the night, debating whether Joe really sold me out to Matt or just let what happened stay between the two of us. I don't think it matters either way. Besides this, if Joe told Matt that I cut myself, well not purposely, the shard of glass cut me, then he had cleaned me up and sent me on my way that would only result in one thing: Matt thinking he's right. And I really don't want that. Because Matt's not right about this. I'm not being someone who I once used to be, and I'm not pretending she's ever coming back. She's not. Or Joe could have just shut his trap and let Matt think I'm still a heartless bitch that lives in a black hole of nothingness. I prefer it that way to be honest.

So here, almost a half of a day later and they are _still_ in the kitchen. I know this because I can hear their voices. Even though our house is huge, it's called vents. Actually that's a lie; I can just hear them scream and laugh really loudly. And absolutely everything upstairs is silent.

I had just gotten out of the shower, smelling fresh of Cocoanut and Vanilla, my hair still curly. I pinned it half-up, letting the curls roll down over my shoulders. My make-up was non-existent since my laziness has overtaken me today. Well at least for the two hours I've been up. I had on a pair of washed out black skinny jeans with a big loose white shirt on. I felt nothing to dress in my usual. Or maybe it was because I was running out of clothes in my drawers and refused to open the closet door for the fact, yes a monster lives inside.

"Hold on, I forgot my jacket!" Someone's footsteps were now stomping up the stairs. The steps were loud, obnoxious even but still yet, graceful and peaceful. I waited on my bed leaning against my wall as I stared at the crack beneath the door. I saw their shadow darken the light as they passed.

"You forget everything!" Someone screamed from downstairs. It was deep, and definitely didn't belong to my brother. I imagined the youngest brother screaming this, for I hadn't heard his voice for very long and it would be so funny to hear that kind of tone coming from his mouth. I imagined him happy; his mouth turned half-way up while he rolled his eyes.

"Shut up Kevin," the voice from upstairs said. It came right after my door, sounding happy as well. I figured this was Joe; he just seemed like the forgetful type. Well maybe not, I mean he seemed pretty on top of things last night. Ewe, **EWE**!! That sounds disgusting. Why would I ever even _think_ about that?!

I picked at my nails, glancing up at the door every so often to see if the shadow was back. I sat up straight, glaring at it almost. Why did I care so much? Was I expecting them to like burst through my door? I've thought about it, but with a different person. One that would run in, laughing with his hair flipping backwards, and topple me. His voice would be cheerful and upbeat while he says, "I love you Charlie. You're everything to me." And then his perfect lips would press themselves against mine. And that would be it.

That's why I couldn't catch my breath as the crease beneath my door was darkened. And it wasn't moving. I saw the tip of someone's shoes, bright white sneakers that clouded the door. I grabbed my comforter between my fists, twisting them slightly. I could feel the person standing on the other side of the entrance. Like waiting for me to know that they are there or something. I stayed where I was, however I couldn't decide who it could be.

"Joe come on, we have to leave!" Kevin screamed again. I felt even more threatened that it was Joe standing there. It felt like he could feel the scared coming from my body. The feeling of vulnerability running through my veins. That's when I threw back the covers, stomped over to the door, ready to open it and hit him right in the crotch. He was spying on me, which would be my excuse for my actions. He was waiting outside of my door for me to come out. He was listening in on my conversation. Ah, the last one wouldn't be credible since I talked to no one. But Matt didn't know that, oh wait, yes, yes he did.

My hand was placed on the doorknob, the grip turning my knuckles white and I began twisting it until I heard, "I'm coming Kevin!" His voice impatient but I could hear the faint smile playing at his every word. He dropped his voice, the reason of my stoppage and said, "Goodbye Charlie. I'll see you soon." He breathed against the entrance. Then his steps were loud again as he pushed off my door and ran down the stairs.

I stood on the other side of the doorway, dazed and confused – oh wait, good movie – with my hand still connected with the piece of metal. Here Joe was, standing out of my bedroom whispering things to me. Had he known that I was there? Could he hear me standing on the other side, the anger pulsating off my body? But why would he even stop at my door in the first place – what business did he have here? Nothing. I gave him nothing to work with. I shut him off, I threw him out. Yet he's waiting for me. Just like everyone. He's waiting for me to be someone else. Someone a hundred percent different. Which, of course, I'm not willing to be. Plus I should be totally pissed off at the fact he just stands there. Seriously, could he be anymore of a creep?! God.

I let go of the handle, rolling my eyes. I hate that my parents have resorted to this. To bringing random strangers around to try to break me. I stepped backwards, my eyes still searching the door for these answers. I finally turned away, walking back to my window sill that I had opened before Joe came upstairs. I couldn't decide if I needed a cigarette. I was coming close to having to buy a new pack. So maybe I should just wait before I finish off this pack.

I pushed myself up on the wooden frame, sat back against the side and exhaled. The sun was especially bright today, making me squint. I loved that though, the feeling of sun warming up every inch of my body. It makes the pain feel like it isn't there. Like life is good somewhere else, but you just have to find it. I closed my eyes, the sun penetrating the small pieces of skin and burning them ever so slightly. I wish I could always have moments like this. Moments you want to carry with you always.

This would be one of them.

That _was_ until I heard the car door slam. My eyes snapped open as the door came in contact with the rest of the car. My gaze became fixated with it. I guess I hadn't noticed how the car was perfectly parked in front of my window, in my view. Coincident? I think not! It was an SUV. A black Tahoe. Kevin was getting in the driver's side, while Nick had already occupied the passenger's seat. Nick looked antsy, his legs bouncing up and down. The result was the car shaking slightly. His face held something, impatience definitely. But there was more, something that clearly said: _"Come **on**, I have places to be and you all can't find out."_ Yeah, that's it. It's like he didn't want to be there anymore. That he needed to be somewhere else with someone else.

I stared at him for a long time, trying to think of the possibilities of what he was thinking. I have to admit, none of them seemed right at all. But suddenly he looked at me. I was clearly off my guard, my daggers were not on. Not yet. After a second or two of staring me blankly in the eye, we both suddenly glared at each other. His gaze was not as perfected as mine, I have to say. But at least he did gaze back. It was better than his two stupid brothers, aside from their 'deer in headlights' look, this, this was good. Finally Nick looked away, and I was triumphant. I just won a glaring contest with Nick, eh, what's their last name?

Then I heard another car door open. It belonged to the second row of seating. My eyes shifted from smiling of triumphant, to glaring once more. Joe was halfway in the car, his foot perched on the floor of the seats while his face was to me. His eyes focused on mine. I narrowed my eyes while giving a disgusting scoff. He looked innocent, not quite 'deer-in-headlights' but close enough. Did he honestly think last night changed us? ANYTHING between us? I mean first off, we had nothing before that. Second off, I don't plan on progressing my relationship with him anymore than that either.

I rolled my eyes, turning away as I heard Kevin starting up the engine. The car door's slam was faint in my ears as I ran back into my bedroom and right into the bathroom. I primped my hair, as I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I said happily. For now, I would be happy. Those dudes were gone and I could do what I wished today. With the exception of my brother. But being around him wasn't torture, at least it wasn't yet.

"Charlie?" Matt called out to my room. His voice sounded scared like he might walk in to me passed out on the bathroom floor because I took too many pills or some shit. That was probably the result of the sudden depression he noticed in me.

I rolled my eyes, my bad mood back. "Yes Matthew, I'm still alive." I said sarcastically as I walked to the entrance of my bathroom. I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared at him.

He sighed uneasily. "Charlie, that's not what I meant." Matt stared at me, watching me as if I was a slide under a microscope. Or like I was on suicide watch.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered under my breath. I flipped off the light in my bathroom making it dark once again as I walked back into the threshold of my room. "So what do you want Matt?" I asked dryly.

Matt shrugged, sticking his hands into the front of his pockets. "Nothing. Just seeing if you wanted to hang out today."

"What'd you have in mind?" I asked suddenly intrigued. My brother and I have always had such a connection. One that most brothers and sisters seem to, not, have. That's why I like hanging out with him.

Matt shrugged, looking down at the ground. "Lunch? Then walk around on the beach for a while?" He questioned this like I was immediately going to shoot him down. Like I was going against sunshine because suddenly I'm 'Gothic'. I sighed, why do people hate me so much? Oh wait; I brought this upon myself didn't I? Yeah, I did. "Sure why not?"

**--**

**Later**

"When are you going to Spain to visit nuestra abuela?" Matt asked me as we sat the beach, overlooking the ocean. We skipped lunch, well I'd rather not have him ask questions about that, and instead headed straight for the water. Matt and I sat the same way: resting back on our palms staring out at the crashing waves while our legs were in front of us. My knees were bent, while Matt's were straight. Of course we were on towels, not wanting sand in our clothes.

I smiled at my brother's attempt at Spanish. "Pronto." I answered, meaning 'soon'. I looked at him shaking my head. "Thank god Grandma speaks English."

"You _are_ lucky," Matt agreed nodding his head. He turned to look at my face. "You're lucky people in Barcelona speak English. It may not be everyone, but at least it's there." We sat silent for a second before he added, "But really, when do you leave?"

I blew out a deep breath of air. I was lucky my grandma was getting older and was in need of some 'company'. I volunteered days after the tragedy. My parents were worried about the distance, but I was more than happy. "Well you know how you leave in a couple months to go back to school?" He nodded. "Well when you fly back to Princeton, I'll be there on the plane with you. I'll stay a couple of days, I think, to help you settle back in. And from there I'll jet off on my adventure."

Matt slightly nodded again. His eyes engrossed by the waves crashing down on the sand. "You know," Matt used the same tone Joe had last night. And like last night, I'm not sure I wanted to know. "When we board that plane to New Jersey, Kevin and Joe will be right there with us." His eyes glanced over at me. I was happy I thought to bring my sunglasses. They were dark, huge on my face. Imagine Juno's sunglasses, but on my face.

"What do you think about that?" Matt questioned quietly.

I ignored it. I watched the kids within yards running around a terrible creation of a sandcastle while they giggled and kicked sand as they sprinted. That's how Matt and I used to be like. Carefree and so likable. They also reminded me of what was supposed to come. Whether I was underage or not.

Matt took this hushed moment as me thinking. "Charlie, they really aren't _that_ bad you know."

"What was the question?" I asked snapping out of it, ignoring what he was saying now. I heard his question; the answer was I didn't want to reply to it.

Matt sighed before saying once more, "What do you think of Nick, Kevin and Joe?"

Something about the way he said 'Joe' felt like he implied more. That it's hugely crazy that Joe was in my room and we were, ugh, saying goodnight? What's the big deal in that? Sweet god. I understand I hate humanity and all the feelings and everything that comes with it. But seriously, we just need to let that one **go**. "I don't know them." I replied finally, chewing on my bottom lip as I did so. This was the best answer I could compose for now. The best nothingness I could give.

Matt rolled his eyes letting out a frustrated sigh. "Charlie, if you'd give them a chance you would. Please just tell me what you think of them as of right now."

"Right now?" I said feeling my face begin to heat up as my anger rose. I don't want to give anyone a fucking chance. I'm sick of everyone trying to change me! "Right now I think they are fags." I cocked an eyebrow. "I think that Kevin is too overly polite, like he's the perfect fucking child anyone could ever have. He knows that he's like semi-good looking which annoys the shit out of everyone by the way. Girls just hate that, so maybe you should mention something." This was true, I did hate the fact he was good looking and that he knew it. "On to Nick. Nick is too quiet. It's creepy. He needs to like say something once in a while. Oh like today he tried glaring at me, does he know I'm the queen of scowl? I bet not. He needs to be punched," I laughed harshly. See this is what Matt asked for, and I bet I'm going to be 'scolded' for it. "And Joe, oh my god." I rolled my eyes. My mouth tasted funny as I said his name, like a sick disgusting acid aftertaste that was always there when I threw up. But this felt worse. "Joe is so annoying. Seriously, he needs to man up. God, he's such a woman. I think they just suck okay? And I'm not giving them a chance Matt." I turned to him, feeling the disgusted look that spread across my face. "Now just drop it."

Matt shook his head, sitting up straight and pulling his legs to him. "No Charlie. They aren't like that at all!" He protested, his voice getting aggravated. Matt has never yelled at me, just times like this when he gets all flustered.

I laughed harshly, pushing up my glasses on my nose. "Oh really what are they like then?" I rolled my eyes. God this is so stupid. We're fighting over guys…wow maybe my brother _is_ gay.

Matt sat Indian-style while he stared down at the towel beneath him. He tried waiting for a moment that way he could gather himself before he answered. I knew this was going to be a lengthy answer, I mean its Matt, and of course it'll be three million pages long. "They aren't like that Charlie." He sighed, lowering his voice to a below normal level. I knew that he actually meant well when he did this. That he cared… "I met Kevin freshman year." Last year… "He was in the fraternity with me, and I guess that's kind of why we became friends. But Kevin's much more than the over politeness shit you see. That's how he was raised. He's really laid back, go with the flow kind of guy. But he's willing to do anything for anyone." I rolled my eyes. Yeah I'm sure. He seems like an asshole. "And Kevin doesn't get girls like you think he does." Actually I don't think Kevin gets girls. Did I say that? "He's always lost them to other guys because he's 'just the friend'."

"Aw shucks. That's too bad!" I said sarcastically while I looked over at my brother. "This is great and all, but seriously." I said bored, my voice low.

"Charlie shut up. Can I continue?" He asked impatiently. I sat back, loosing myself in the water while I replied with, "Enlighten me please." There was a small smile on the tip of Matt's mouth while he shook his head. "Okay good," he said. "Nick is a…_different_ kind of kid." Different? Like a wannabe dickhead? "Nick is very...depressed." Matt shrugged as if this word might not be the right one. "He's been through a lot and things have changed him. He's quiet because he keeps it bottled up inside." Matt threw a look at me and I knew I did as well. But what was I supposed to do about Nick? Exactly, nothing. "We're trying our hardest to make him the Nick he used to be."

"That, there!" I cut him off. I turned to look at him. "Why is it your fucking mission to go around changing people? What if they don't want to be changed?" I asked icily. I never thought I'd asked this question, even if I was defending Nick in some way, I didn't care that I asked it.

Matt shrugged. "I'm not." I scoffed muttering, "Yeah right." Matt looked at me now with a determined look on his face. "Okay, so maybe I try to make things a little better. But that's not because I don't like change. I love change. It's just that when people change because they think it'll help them in the long run when all it does it ruin everything, that's when I need to step in." He sighed, hoping that I'd get the message. I wasn't hurting myself, was I? No, that's what I thought. "Charlie, people can't be like that. They can't be ruining their own futures because of something that happened in the past."

I groaned, "Thanks Obi Wan Kenobi." I pushed myself up so that I sat straight. "You're advice has been just grand." I rolled my eyes while I stared down into my lap where my hands were.

Matt laughed. "Charlie, you're crazy." So I've heard. And told myself many, many times. "But don't you want to know about Joseph?"

"Before we continue this little, shenanigan, can you tell me what their last name is? I spaced, oh wait," I looked at Matt with a fake cheery smile. "I didn't care!"

"Jonas." Matt replied with a shake of the head. I nodded. **Jonas**. What a weird last name. I wonder what origin that is. I mean mine is Reyes. That's pretty self-explanatory. "So about Joe…" I groaned loudly, I don't care for this child. "When Joe came to Princeton last year as a freshman he was pretty reserved. But there's just something about Joe…" Stupidity? "He's a lot like Kevin. But he'll talk to anyone that walks into a room." I've noticed. He never gives up either. "Kevin has told me that Joe's been through some stuff that's changed him pretty well. He's passionate about a lot of things," Matt continued. But I stopped at he's been through some stuff that's changed him. I wonder like what kind of stuff. Stuff like my stuff? Or other kind of stuff? "If you gave him a chance Charlie, I'm sure you'd like him."

"I'm sorry I don't speak freak." I answered instantly and matter-of-factly. "Therefore I cannot communicate with him." I can't believe people actually like him, or any of them for that matter.

Matt sighed unhappily again. He knows I'm a tough cookie to crack. But that makes no sense. Cookies are supposed to be soft and delicious. "Charlie you are so annoying."

I smiled brightly, actually proud about this. "I know!"

"So have you been there yet?" Matt suddenly asked after we reset ourselves. We had been silent for a few moments now, keeping to ourselves while I thought about nothing and he probably debated over me and Joe.

"There?" I asked. And the second I did I regretted it. I guess it didn't come to mind the second he said it, but now as he looked tense and sorry I had a feeling I knew what he meant.

Matt shrugged, "I mean to the grave." He was chewing on the bottom of his lip. His eyes landed on me for a second before he added, "You know to _his_ grave."

My body had tensed up at the mention of grave, which lead to death, which lead to Nathan. "I know whose grave it is!" I screamed at him. "I'm not a fucking retard you asshole." My stomach was on the verge of throwing back up everything that was in my stomach, which was nothing but water. Is this what Matt wanted out of me? For me to completely breakdown, to scream and rant and cry?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He put his hand gently on my back. I tried shying away from it, but I couldn't seem to pull myself to do it. I just sat there, focusing on the color of the sand in front of me while I tried not crying. I'm not going to cry, I refuse to. "But have you?" Matt asked again after I calmed down for a moment.

I suddenly threw his hand off my back by grabbing his arm. I turned to give him the iciest look I've ever given someone. "No, and I'd appreciate it if you'd quit talking!" I screamed with my voice shaky and uneven. I stood up looking down at him while he stuttered for an apology. I sucked up a tense breath before I said, "If you don't mind I'd like to go home now."

**--**

**That Night**

I avoided Matt as much as possible when we got home. Each time he walked in the same room as me, I'd stop whatever I was doing, get up and walk out. That totally sucked for the reason I was watching "A Cinderella Story" with Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. I really enjoyed that movie, despite everyone gets a fucking happy ending.

I mean come on! What happened to movies like, ugh, well I can't tell you other wise I'd ruin the ending. But still! What happened to movies that **don't** get happy endings? What about those? Those are still good. But _no_, everyone likes happiness. Happiness doesn't exist.

It came as no surprise as I sat on my window sill, smoking my very last cigarette that the stupid black Tahoe had rolled up on my driveway once more. I groaned loudly, inhaling the smoke. Did he do this just to piss me off or what? I stayed there, watching as the lights turned off and the three doors opened just like last time. Kevin drove once again, but Joe was in the passenger's seat. They were all dressed in their unique styles, but still had a little brother matching going on. Joe stood up straight, pulling down his black t-shirt before running a hand through his hair. He stared up at the house nervously and I couldn't help but laugh.

Either he has super sonic hearing or he's just a freak, he looked right at my window. But I continued smoking my cigarette, noting that neither Kevin nor Nick was looking at me. I took another long drag while he peered at me_._ _"Joe's been through some stuff that's changed him pretty well,"_ Matt's words rang over in my mind as Joe stood on the ground beneath me. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to deal very well. But he seems fine to me.

Joe's face was significantly innocent looking today. The smile he wore fit him well. "Come on Joe," I heard Kevin say. Nick held back idling by the front door of the car. He leaned across the hood while yelling his oldest brother's name. Nick's mouth moved, Kevin's head nodded and then Kevin reached into his pocket, fetching something. He threw something that Nick seemed to catch, mid-air, effortlessly. Nick seemed too young to drive, but I guess you can at his age. Kevin turned back to Joe, who kept glancing up at me to check if I was still looking. I bet he just wanted to go gaga over me. I'm hot what can I say? Ha, righttttt.

Kevin pulled his middle brother up toward the house, disappearing as they walked toward the front door. I continued sitting there, the cigarette in my hand vanishing as I held it. I needed some more.

Nick started the large Tahoe up, putting the lights on and started backing out of the driveway. I watched him get out on the street before he put it in drive and sped off. I sighed, dotting out my cigarette on the house and dropping it to the ground. The lights on the houses were illuminating the streets, the car's headlights lighting up the blackness of the asphalt. The night was here, my favorite time of day ever.

I slid off the window sill as I heard the front door being opened. I turned back around shutting my window halfway so that it was still able to let the smoke out and so it wasn't wide open. I grabbed a jacket that happened to be a biker leather jacket. I slipped it on over my loose white t-shirt and my washed black skinny jeans. I popped the collar as I reached for my keys in my nightstand. I grabbed the dangling pieces of metal and walked down the stairs. I ran my hands through my hair as I heard the voices become more distinct as I walked closer to the kitchen.

Did they know I was headed for the kitchen? Can someone like read my fucking mind now?! Because this coincidence shit hasn't been happening until these boys showed up. That's it, they have magical powers. Damn it.

I closed my eyes tight as I walked into the room with a fridge and headed straight for my pair of converse. "Hey Charlie," Matt said unsurely but still brotherly like we hadn't fought earlier today.

"Sup." I said without any kind of recognition or emotion. I slipped one shoe over my foot and reached for the other. At least Joe's not talking to me…

"Where are you going?" Joe suddenly asked as if putting the pieces together. You know, the keys, the jacket, the shoes. It's obvious if you just use your eyes. I spoke too soon.

I slid my foot into the other shoe, stomping the ground to make sure it's really in there. "Nowhere." I answered while flashing my brother an evil smile basically telling him that I enjoy being rude. I popped the collar again on my jacket as I turned to go. Joe took a step forward as he said, "Can I come with you?" I stopped, the door to the garage already open. I was shocked. Did he seriously just ask that? Did he seriously think I was going to let him?! "No." I answered dryly as I turned to look at him. Joe's face didn't change, but I knew he wished this was an opportunity he could have to talk to me. I finally looked at my older brother giving him another evil smile, "I'll be back!" I said and then I left.

I can't believe Joe actually wanted to come with me. That's just funny. I walked down the row of cars that should have been there. Mom and dad were at some banquet or something for a charity or whatever my dad was supporting. It's confusing – their schedules I mean. They left a while ago and I yelled my goodbye from my window. Of course I wasn't smoking, that would be stupid. They wouldn't be back until late.

I arrived at my car, my precious. It seriously was the best gift I've ever gotten. It was a two thousand seven Chevrolet Corvette Convertible. It was black, the inside was black as well, but the back of the seats were a beige color. The rims were shiny, and very silver. The thing I loved the most about my car: the speed. I hopped into the car, opening the garage as I started it up. I slowly backed out, closing the garage and closing the gate behind me. I opened the top of my car as I was stopped at a light. I couldn't help but see the passenger's around me staring as I did so. I loved that, I loved seeing people envious of my baby.

The light turned green and I stepped on the gas, changing lanes and putting on my blinker. I needed some cigs bad. I parked farthest away from the door, locking my car several times as I approached the store. I walked to the back of the store and grabbed a red bull from the refrigerator. I walked to the counter smiling at the guy behind it and asked for my regular. As he turned to get them, I glanced outside surprised to see the same black Tahoe parked in the front of the store. However, no one was in it and Nick wasn't in the store. I handed over my money in a daze as I opened the red bull and walked out. I was searching for him for no apparent reason.

I turned to the left, catching him instantly. He was there, talking to an older guy that looked like he was about to walk in. They talked quietly until the older guy shook his head. Nick looked frustrated, holding up a wad of cash. The guy shook his head more reluctantly this time. I cocked my head to the side. What was he doing? Begging for drugs?

I looked over my shoulder down the row of cars to mine on the end. I was close to being out of here. Ugh, what the hell? I sighed heavily, downing the rest of my red bull as I walked over to Nick. He was muttering something to himself as he approached another person. The person ignored him, before shaking his head no as he continued walking in.

"Are you," I started saying. I can't believe I'm talking to him. But he's…'different' remember? I stopped, snapping out of the haze I was in as I started over. "Are you _shoulder_ _tapping_?" I asked with a smile. This is just...funny!

Nick's face snapped to me, looking scared and absolutely freaked out. He probably thought I was a cop. His face softened when he realized it was me but turned evil as he hissed, "Keep your voice down!" He glared at me, while glancing around to see if people noticed.

I laughed harshly. "Oh man kid. You are a psycho." I took a step back heading to my car. "Well what do you suggest?" Nick called after me. His voice was frustrated but it had a touch of hope. I looked back at him with a sly smile. I'm stupid for doing this. "Follow me kid."

* * *

**Oh! So I just thought I'd update. I know there wasn't much to this chapter. But in a way there was, and in a way there isn't. It was mostly description and what not. Anyways, I'm going to update again very soon. Yes! Oh and just so you all know.**

**The first couple of chapters of this story, already has more than what Guilty Pleasure had. Oh my god. Anyways, I love you guys, truly a lot. A ton actually.**

**You're the coolest readers I could have asked for. But next time, something kind of changes, I guess. I think?**

**But anyways! That's like the fourth time I've said 'anyways'. Fifth. Just leave your reviews, and tell me what you're thinking. I've got some great ideas from what people have told me. Thank god! Oh and I get what you mean by "it's going too fast". I promise that was just a foundation. From here on out it seems like Charlie is avoiding them, can't you tell? But stuff will happen. I promise :). YOU ARE AMAZING. And yes, Augustana is like a great band! I got this title from the song, "Rest, Shame, Love" which will probably be played in this story. Maybe. I have good ideas though. SO EXCITED!**

**I LOVE YOU GUYS! SO MUCH! PEACE AND LOVE.**

**Oh and p.s. "Fire" is my favorite Augustana song too!!**


	4. He's My Boyfriend!

**If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt**

I really couldn't believe I was doing this. For a **Jonas** too!

I rolled my eyes again as I met Nick's gaze in my rear view mirror. His black Tahoe was colossal behind my Corvette. Seriously. It was _e-norm-ous_. Nick's face was serious, antsy still, but each time I looked at him in the mirror, he smiled a little bit. I never smiled back once, okay that was a lie. I'd look at him, then laugh to myself. Only because I was being so stupid. As the light turned green, I gave Nick a sly look as I stepped on the gas. I took off down the road, glancing in my mirrors to see Nick trying to catch up. I laughed again, still speeding. I don't see why I was being nice to him. Why I was helping him out. I mean truly, I could have done this for anyone. But it was _him…_

Was it because I could see the familiarity in his eyes? The want of numbness to be so abundant that nothing else matters. The need of nothingness to take over and make everything fine, at least for now. So what did Nick Jonas have to hide from? What was he scampering away to? Maybe that's _why_ I helped him. Because some days I wished someone would have helped me too.

I pulled over into the near-empty parking lot next to the buzzing sign that read: Liquor. Okay that was a lie. It was a gas station instead. But farther from my house, and so we wouldn't get caught. I parked my car, turning it off and getting out just as Nick pulled up alongside doing the same.

"Well fuck you couldn't have driven any faster." Nick said sarcastically as he stepped out of his giant vehicle. He ran a hand through his tight curls, finally turning to me. His hands were deep inside the front pockets of his black zip-up jacket. From far away we probably looked like twins. Except, of course, mine was leather and a biker jacket.

I raised an eyebrow at his attitude. "Actually I could have." I answered him. And then I put my hands into my own jacket while I said, "So are you done being an asshole or do you want to do this now?"

Nick sighed heavily, nodding once as I walked around the front of our cars and he met me halfway. We walked next to each other, keeping the distance because we both couldn't stand each other already. Nick whispered, "Are you sure this will work?"

I turned to stare at him with disgusted shock. "Of course I'm sure." He didn't look so convinced. "I do this all the time. I'm _sure_." Still he wasn't, but I didn't care. I mean who is the expert here? Clearly, I am.

We approached the gas station, watching cars as they filled up, glancing at us while we stood idling by the pay phone. I smiled a couple of times, but not out of niceness, out of 'leave me the hell alone'-ness. "This isn't going to work!" Nick said as a few cars pulled up. His voice was a strain, completely scared out of his wits.

I turned to give him a good icy look. "Yes it will. Now shut the hell up and let me do this!" I whisper yelled at him. He stopped, while I smiled at the guy just now stepping out of his car. He looked older than me. A good sign, meaning he was over twenty one. I could just tell, and plus he said, _"How many cases am I getting?"_ It was directed toward his friend, which meant he was buying beer. Exactly what I wanted. His hair was blonde, barely shaggy with a little stubble on his face. As he continued walking to me, he looked up, and smiled brightly. I was unfazed by his Maroon 5-Adam Levine good looks. Seriously, he looked almost identical, except for the blonde hair. I waltzed up to him, making him stop and glance down at my body. "Hey," I said happily. I was putting my charm on because I knew these kinds of guys needed to be flattered. "Want to do me a favor?"

He seemed surprised as I said this, like I was asking him if he wanted me to get naked and do him right here. How about **no**. He licked his top lip while glancing back at his friend. "What do you have in mind?"

I felt the sexual implication very apparent. And disgusting. "Want to buy me a case of beer?" I shrugged. "I'll pay you, I just need one case."

He looked surprised again. But a different surprise like oh my god, she doesn't want to have sex with me. God forbid not everyone wants to sleep with a stupid fraternity brother. "Yeah that's fine."

"Good," I nodded showing him the money. "I'll give you this when you buy me that. I'll walk in with you so it's not obvious. Do you want to meet me over at my car to drop it off?" I looked over to the Corvette parked next to the Tahoe.

He followed my gaze, then glanced back at Nick who was standing behind me. "Sure why not?" He said with a small smile. He walked inside the gas station, holding the door open for me and Nick as we parted ways. The shoulder-tap victim was on the other side getting a couple of cases while Nick and I walked over to the energy drinks.

"How do you know he isn't going to walk away with our beer?" Nick asked in a very hushed tone as he reached inside the refrigerator to grab one energy drink. I rolled my eyes doing the same, as I replied with, "Because I never gave him the money. He's getting it after he buys it. God, you never do this, do you?" I asked with a harsh laugh as we walked over to the counter. I put our drinks up on the countertop while my shoulder-tap guy was on the other side as us. He had three cases of beer. I whistled loudly while I smacked my money down on the table to the gas station guy. "Wow, are you having a party or what?" I smiled while cocking my head to one side talking to the random 'stranger'.

The guy looked at me with curious eyes. His eyes creased as he realized I was just making this sound like we were complete strangers who had anything to do with each other. He nodded, retracting a couple of bills from his wallet. "Huge. _Rager_." He laughed while giving the worker his money. His voice was sarcastic, very joking.

I grabbed my Red Bull while nudging Nick to follow me. "Oh well have fun with that." I smiled while opening the door for him and me. The shoulder-tap guy was leaving just as we did. He climbed into his car, as I began to run back to mine. I stood there, awaiting the guy as he and his friend pulled up. Nick waited with me, standing nearby while sipping on his Red Bull nervously.

"Beer." The guy handed me the case while I dropped it into the backseat on the floor. I turned back around and replied with, "Money." As I fished over the amount I owed him.

He handed it to his friend while looking at me up and down. Oh god, he was seriously checking me out. That's sick. I just used him, isn't that obvious? His smile was bright under the ticking parking lot lights. "So," He started as I closed my door and leaned against the black shiny sports car. "What are you doing later?" He asked.

I tried holding back my sickened laughter since I was being asked out by a complete stranger. Oh man, what has the world come to? "Having a beer." I smiled brightly and viciously.

He laughed, thinking this was funny. When it was supposed to be a smart ass comment. Beach boys really _are_ dumb. "Well so am I." He answered. He propped his elbow up on the window as he leaned out. "Maybe we can have a beer **together**."

I clenched my teeth firmly. I wish he'd take a hint to see I'm not interested. Boys are so oblivious to everything. I shrugged, "Thanks but no thanks." I frowned a little to show him I was 'upset'. Yeah right. I was more than overjoyed to be not hanging out with this douche bag. "I have other plans." I rested my hands on the top of my jeans as I stared down at him.

"Oh like what?" Oh my **god**. He's kidding right? He really thinks I'm going to invite this overage college dropout to where I'm going? It's called jail bait. Oh wait, no it's not. I'm 18. I guess I'm legal, but he doesn't have to know that.

I waited a moment looking for a good witty sarcastic answer. Instead I improvised. "Like," I looked around until I spotted Nick. I reached out for his hand, grabbing it unwillingly as I pulled the Jonas close to my body. "Having lots of dirty hot sex with my boyfriend." I leaned into Nick as he finally realized what I was doing. Using him of course.

The guy's eyes widened and I felt Nick stiffen under me. Obviously Nick didn't expect that. I smiled while running my other hand up Nick's arm and knotted my fingers in his hair. Wow, nice hair. Seriously. I wonder what kind of product he uses. "He's your boyfriend?" The blonde guy questioned with a laugh like this was way too hard to believe.

I scoffed for many reasons. One because he wasn't believing this and still trying. Two, Nick really _could_ have been my boyfriend. Three, because he wasn't my boyfriend. Not like I cared, it's just is it hard to believe that we couldn't be together? Why does that sound like I want him? Ewe! No! He just gave me the idea to drink tonight. "Yes he's my boyfriend!" I protested being all whiney. God good just drive away.

"That's too bad." The guy had said to me. Finally he might just go away without a fight.

I nodded, "Yes it is." I looked at Nick, slapping him on the butt overdramatically. Ewe, I touched his ass. That's nasty. "Come on babe. We've got the house to ourselves tonight." I winked at him while I pushed him to his car. "I'll see you back at the house m'kay?" I felt absolutely horrible, seriously sick to my stomach, as I leaned in pecking him barely on the lips. I tried my best to make it look like we kissed but to not really kiss. Oh my god, I'm a fucking stooge. I just stooped down to the wrong level. Nick's eyes widened, his lips puckering a little bit but he pulled away. He got where I was coming from, at least I think. Our lips barely touched, so that's all that matters.

"Love you babe." Nick added in as he walked to his car and hoping inside. I opened up the door, starting my engine and looked to the guys who got us the beer. "It was _very nice_ to do business with you." And with that, I drove away.

**--**

**Later**

"So, what now?" Nick asked as he opened yet another can of beer. He brought it to his lips as he sat next to me. For the first time in my life I was actually sharing my window sill with someone else. And someone else was related to the specimen that I hate the most.

I shrugged, laughing into the aluminum can as I said, "We drink!" I glanced over at him from the corner of my eye as the contents poured into my stomach. I know people say it's not good to drink on an empty stomach. But believe me, I don't eat and drink enough to know that my body/stomach is very tolerable.

It was almost impossible to explain how Nick and I got the beer up to my room. Oh and getting Nick into my room was **_very_** sneaky. He was going to be 'gone' for a while. We parked his car up the street so his brothers wouldn't know. But now, my brother and his friends were downstairs watching movies or playing video games. Either way, Nick and I were alone upstairs. My parents asleep in their bedroom on the other side of the house.

"You know," Nick started as his eyes creased and he stared out across my neighborhood. He seemed so familiar to me, like I had known him all my life or something. "You seem too skinny to be drinking." He said to me.

I sat up, bringing the beer in front of my face as I swished it around in my hand. I felt a little taken back. I wasn't that skinny was I? "Well you seem too young to be drinking." I pointed out. I shrugged as I added, "I didn't start drinking until I was seventeen, and that was only recently. Like homecoming time." I spit out, feeling the acid filling my tongue. _Homecoming_…

Nick shrugged. "Shit happens, that's when you need a drink." He said like he was reciting some famous quote that everyone's heard of like…_'When in Rome'_…kind of quote.

I stared at him, my beer still in my hand and half-full. It was what, my fourth one? I'm unsure. But either way, I was beginning to feel it as I spoke, as I sat there with Nick. I couldn't believe I was doing this…I can't believe I'm going to **reach out**. "Why'd you start drinking?" And there it was. The beginning of the end of me.

Nick was taken by surprise, as he crushed his can and tossed it back into my room. He reached over and grabbed another can, opening it up and looking down into the black hole. His eyes seemed to be debating. He pressed his lips into a tight line before he spoke, "Haven't you ever wanted to escape? That you wanted to leave and never come back? But you realize the only way to do that, is to not." He finally lowered the can, putting it on his thigh while he looked over at me with thoughtful eyes.

I couldn't understand where he was coming from. But I knew exactly what he meant. "Like you're in a dire need of running away? But you realize you can't?" I asked.

He nodded once. "Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like. That nothing else matters in one day besides getting away from everything." He sighed heavily as I watched him closely. This kid was living my life… He finally looked at me. "Too bad I can never get away."

I chewed on my bottom lip examining his profile. I know it could be the beer talking, but this kid was beautiful. Not in that attractive way, no it was much more than that. The look in his eyes as he stared down to the ground, it looked as if he was deliberating whether he'd die if he jumped or not. And for that reason right there, made me just want to be all that much stronger for him. That if he wasn't going to be fighting for a reason to live, I'd fight it for him. "What are you running from?" My voice was just a whisper now, the tears of knowledge in my eyes.

Nick didn't seem taken aback as I asked the question. As he stared into my eyes it was like we were one person, with the same mind and the exact same heart. His face was hurt, pained as he whispered back, "Death."

The word was so unbelievably familiar to me. The sound, the meaning, everything little thing about it was forever implanted into my brain. I had noticed it first hand, felt the pain everyday, tried dealing with the consequences. It's the one thing that everyone has in common. Whether they know it or not. A mom dies, a father, a sister, a cousin, a friend, a foe, a grandma, a dog, even a boyfriend – everyone knows it. But the thing that sets us apart is how we _deal_ with it. Sometimes, you hated that person, therefore you don't care. Sometimes you didn't know that person, therefore you're just sad for the people that did. And sometimes, you love that person more than anyone else in the entire **world**, therefore you're absolutely crushed, and death doesn't sound so bad – as long as it happens to you. That's what makes it different.

I couldn't help but gaze at him, and I'm not sure he wanted to look away either. I felt my body begin to shake, the lump in my throat almost unbearable and the headache pounding against my skull. But as I stared at Nick, I felt that maybe someday it won't feel like this. I chewed my bottom lip as I nodded, "Me too."

It was kind of unspoken that I wanted to know more about his situation, and he of mine. But it's not like you can exactly come out and say, _"So you want to tell me your heartbreaking story?"_ That's simply impossible. But it put me at ease as Nick said, "You don't have to tell me yours, and I won't tell you mine."

Something in his voice as he said that made me think there was hope. And it was apparent in his tone. That somehow, out of this shitty situation we were going to find comfort in each other. Because we understood exactly where each other was coming from, no matter how terrible it was. At least we had someone who understood us. It was nice we didn't need to be put on the spot like that. That we left it like that, and it's our story to keep to ourselves, or share to the world as we wished. But he didn't push it, and neither did I. And I was perfectly content with that.

"Good," Nick sighed after a moment of comfortable silence. The smile playing on his lips was adorable as he brought the can up to his lips once more. "So," He started slowly, cautiously. I could feel an uncomfortable question coming, on my part. He glanced over at me after taking a sip, "Is that why you're so…"

"So…?" I led on. What was he trying to get at? I mean bloody hell, I just got him beer, snuck him into my house and am letting him in my room to drink it. I mean seriously, he should be kissing the ground I walk on. None of this, uncertain-hey-I'm-going-to-ask-you-something-you-might-be-uncomfortable-with, shit.

"You know," he implied something I, in fact, did not know. He stopped thinking I'd catch on, but instead I turned my semi-nice face into an icy glare that read what-the-fuck? He smiled again, turning toward me while shrugging. "Is that why you're always so…_guarded_?" He finally said with a look of uncertainty. I bet this was not the word he wanted to use.

But he used it anyway, to make it sound like he was trying to be polite. I guess I saw where he got this assumption, so I shrugged as well, "Guarded?" I questioned, laughing at the suggestion. "You mean heartless bitch that doesn't care about anything?" I turned to look at him with curious eyes.

He seemed a little uncomfortable and I knew I had been dead on about what he, and most likely, his brothers were thinking. It's so obvious where people get that from. I mean, I even get it. So it shouldn't take Einstein's brain power to figure it out. "So that's why you're like that? I mean you can't enjoy it." Nick added in.

I turned into a nice easy going laid back person for the most part to a bitch. How could you enjoy that? "It has its perks." I admitted.

The look on his face was merely priceless as he stared at me, leaning away, in shock and confusion. "Its perks?" He questioned overly amused and overly confused. I laughed nodding my head, "Yeah you know. It's ups."

"I know what it means Charlie," Nick said rolling his eyes. He sat closer to me now, our shoulders barely touching as he lifted the beer can to his lips once more. He crushed it, making me question how fast he actually downed that. It seemed like only a few seconds ago he was opening it. "What I'm saying is how can being a bitch have perks?" He threw the can into my room along with the others. He turned to me fully, crossing his legs Indian-style.

I did the same, only putting my can into my room, however it was not empty. I shrugged, facing him. "Yeah like, you get to speak your mind, because people already know you will." I pointed at him. "I do that too often I think."

He laughed, nodding once, "You think?" I scoffed, answering back quickly with, "Hey buddy, you want to hear the perks or not?!" He rolled his eyes, saying, "Yes Miss Charlotte, I'd love to hear the perks."

"Ewe," I answered, grimacing on command. "Don't call me that." He looked at me weird but I continued. "The next thing is that you put people in their place. Like Joe!" I suddenly said, and Nick looked way too surprised. "He thinks we are like best friends or something. But no matter how many times I reject him, it's like he doesn't care." I shrugged after Nick said nothing to interrupt me with. "Also you don't have to do what you're told – well mostly." I tilted my head while I thought about it. "You know what else?"

Nick smiled like watching me rant on and on about being a bitch is awesome, was cute to him. "What Charlie?" His voice even sounded like he thought I was cute. Oh god, kill me now.

"People back off so easily." I finally said with a satisfied smile. Nick looked confused, but still admiring while he asked, "What do you mean?" I breathed in and out slowly while I answered, "You know, one thing you say and suddenly it's like they don't want to be near you. Since you know, being heartless is just mean." I flashed him a smile. "But I like being alone." I admitted out loud. "You don't have to share your feelings, or even try putting it into words."

Nick stared at me, never dropping his gaze for a second. "You don't have to feel the need to explain, since you already know." Nick added to my reasons.

I felt my eyes turn kind – more kind than I've ever felt in a long time. "Exactly. I like being bottled up, no matter what kind of protest people put up. I'm not changing." I said confidently, leaning back and closing my eyes contently. That was until Nick said, "But you changed into this. Why not change back?"

I sat up straight again, giving him the evil eye. "What is with you?" I scoffed harshly. "I mean, fuck, so what yeah I changed. But maybe I'm happier this way. Maybe life is going so well for me right now."

Nick's face didn't change; it was almost like he saw this coming. His face was so knowing, it almost annoyed me to no end. **Almost**. "Really Charlie?" He caught me off guard with his sarcasm. "Are you _really_ happy?" I scoffed, almost answering before he cut me off. "Is that why you just sit up in your room, shutting yourself off from the world so you can stare out into space?" His voice was so calm, not even snapping back at me like he was mad.

I just gaped at him, unable to say anything at all. He knew me so well, it was disgusting. It made me question myself more than anything, and I hated that. "That's what I thought." Nick said still calm, but a little happier. I still didn't know what I could say. Why was I so stumped? "So are you and Matt close?" He suddenly asked, changing the subject completely.

I stared into his eyes, for he had known what he'd done. First Joe and his magical touch. Second Nick and his ability to read me like an open book. God, what's Kevin got to offer?! Wait, so _that's_ why they're always around – Nick can read my mind!! "Ugh, yeah." I stuttered, still in a daze. "We are really close actually." I shook my head once, "Well sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Nick's curiosity was becoming contagious, making me want to ask questions back to him.

I nodded. "Well yeah. Sometimes I wish he'd be like everyone else and give up." I gave Nick a small smile. "But he never does. No matter how much I scream and cry and whine at him." I looked down into my lap, finally feeling the full effect of how much Matt does for me. And when he does things, he doesn't do them lightly. "So yeah, we are close."

As Nick said, "That's wonderful." He didn't make me feel embarrassed. You know how when you share things with guys, it's like suddenly they start making fun of you? Because guys aren't into touchy-feely things like feelings. But Nick didn't make it feel like that. He made it feel like he cared, that he really did find that wonderful.

"How about you?" I asked, looking up through scrunched eyes. "Are you and your brother's close?"

Nick took a deep long breath looking away. I could feel some tension in the air thicken as he chewed his bottom lip. Finally he stared back at me. "I'm not sure. Sometimes yeah, and sometimes no."

I cocked an eyebrow, leaning back on the window sill and peering at him. "Explain." I said calmly.

His smile grew, even if it was forced or not. "Well I don't know. Like Kevin and Joe have always been really close. In Kevin's eyes I'm just the little brother." He rolled his eyes now then continued. "So once my grades started slipping, and I started running with a different kind of crowd, he flipped. He started trying to intervene and what not, and I'm like 'dude! Leave me alone!'" Nick's voice got animated as he talked, his hands moving in the air between us and I couldn't help but want to smile. "So then he got like weird." Nick's face got twisted up in confusion, like he didn't understand this himself. "He started almost supporting me. Like he accepted for who I became, and started being cool. It was so…random." Nick laughed shaking his head. "But Joe, Joe's always kind of been the same. He's close but distant. I think after what happened…" Nick sighed looking away, "He was scared that I had changed so much. I think he just wanted his little brother back. So he started hanging out with me more and more to get me away from what I'd fallen into. It was good, fun too. But then they both left me for college." He shrugged, "And I was on my own."

I sighed with him, nodding my head. "You are living my life. Well except for having two brothers. I only have one." I smiled. I felt weird bringing up this, "What about your parents?"

Nick smiled brightly now, showing all of his teeth. "Oh good old mom and pop." He had a devilishly look casted upon his features. "They love us too much I think. My mom is so mom-like. She's so nice and polite and like so reprimanding. She's really funny too, I think that's where Joe gets it." Joe's…funny? Right! "She's like more than ready for us to get married or something. To date. Kevin brought home ONE girl and suddenly my mom's like, 'So how are you going to ask her?' Kevin was like 'Mom, I'm not asking her to marry me.'" Nick laughed shaking his head. "It was so funny. That was one hell of a Christmas." He seemed so happy just sitting here, talking about the good old days – when nothing mattered. "But my dad is a little different. He's not really like my mom, except for nice and stuff. But he expects a lot out of us. Like Kevin and Joe are at Princeton. I don't think I'm going to get into a _local_ college!" Nick's voice had changed from fun to worried, or careless. I couldn't decide.

I didn't say anything for a moment. Nick just fell back, closing his eyes. "Tell me a secret." I finally whispered. I watched him for a second, he looked so close to sleep, so peaceful. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers down his face, memorizing it as I went. I didn't feel like I was crossing any lines here, it felt normal. So normal.

"A secret?" Nick repeated calmly like he had been drifting away to sleep. "What kind of secret?" He asked me unsurely.

I shrugged, not that he could see it or anything. "Any kind of secret." I answered him evenly. I didn't even know why I cared, or why I even asked. It's the beer. I swear that's what it does to me.

Nick exhaled loudly, clicking his tongue while he did so. Finally he opened his eyes slowly, leaning forward at the same time. "I like to play music." I cocked my head to the side, leaning forward as well. "Music?" I questioned.

"Yes, music. I play the guitar. I'm quite good if I do say so myself." He laughed, our faces close enough that I could feel it. "I like it, a lot. I actually want to do something with it someday. But dad disapproves. 'Music's for the poor man!' Okay he didn't really say that, but he **did** mention that it's like the _toughest_ thing on earth to do." Nick's face was saddened. I wonder how good he actually was.

"Will you play me something sometime?" I asked over eagerly. I couldn't help it. Either I was drunker than I thought, or I just couldn't quit asking questions. He _intoxicated_ me.

Nick smiled leaning his head to one side. It looked like we were preparing to kiss or something. "That depends." He said playfully. "Depends?" I asked almost hopelessly. He nodded once. "Yeah, on whether I have something to play or not."

I smiled, feeling flattered for no apparent reason. I was just going to answer before Nick's phone went off. It lit up the bed, and my entire room for that matter. Nick groaned, going to answer it but decided not to. He looked at me. "It's Kevin." I knew what that meant too. "I should be going," He laughed, "I mean coming back?"

I laughed too, swinging my feet inside my room and standing near him. "Well all right." My voice sounded more disappointed than I felt. Oh god, I do need therapy.

Nick turned toward me, our bodies facing each other. He took a step forward, grabbing my wrists ever so gently and pulling me into him. "So I know you're still evil to everyone else, but how do we act after this?" I stared at him so utterly confused. "You know, I mean no one knows we hung out. So how do we act?"

I shrugged. "How about, we just seem to click or something. Like I'll say something, and you'll say something back. Then they'll think we have a little connection thing going on – since we're already technically talking and stuff – and they'll think we just became friends. It'll be easy. Their faces will be priceless!!" I gleamed thinking of how confused Joe's going to look when Nick and I are friends. After all the things he's tried…

Nick nodded with a small half-smile. "All right deal. But," He started slowly, giving me a better amused grin while he leaned down closer to my face. "You're the greatest girlfriend I've had." He started to laugh.

I rolled my eyes, pushing him away from him. "Oh shut up. That was just a cover. I didn't want that guy to like rape me or something." I shivered at the thought of him. Oh god he was such a creep.

Nick shrugged, stuffing his phone into his pocket. "Well you lied to him." I started to say, "What?" Before he answered with, "We never got to have lots of dirty hot sex. Come on, what's with that?" Nick asked jokingly serious as he walked toward my door.

I rolled my eyes, ready to push him as I smiled. "Shut up." I only found comfort in that answer for no reason at all.

Nick got to the door, putting his hand on the handle while he looked at me still happy. "Well don't tease me like that BABE." He gave me a good smile that I would no doubt, think about later. "We should do this again." I nodded, smiling and chewing my bottom lip. He shrugged his shoulders overdramatically, "Bye, love you!" He pretended to kiss me as he turned the doorknob and snuck out.

I stood on the other side of the door, listening to him creep down the stairs silently. I ran to my window, waiting after a couple of moments to see as he ran across the yard and up the street to get his car. He started it up, the engine was faint in my ears and it appeared in my driveway not less than seconds later. He got out of the car, looking right up to my window as I watched him closely. He smiled giving me a small wink as he walked back inside like the night had never happened.

* * *

**Oh my god. What to say?**

**I'm not sure :). Leave your thoughts.**

**Oh and I hope you all got the concept of 'Shoulder-Tapping'. It's just where underage people get of the age people to get them alcohol – or in some cases drugs. But oh well.**

**I was going to expand on both of Charlie's and Nick's stories in this chapter. But I thought that killed the mystery and it is just too early for that.**

**But just review that would be nice. Kevin's little thing with Charlie is coming up ASAP.**

**PEACE AND LOVE.**


	5. IMPORTANT READ RIGHT NOW

Hello There!

I just wanted to say after going away for three weeks and then coming back to this **CHAOS**, it was stupid. I'm unsure why they picked _NOW_ to all of a sudden start reporting people and their stories. God forbid we have imaginations. (And yes, I know, we went against the rules. I get that.)

I'm going to admit that I haven't been personally reported, but there is no doubt in my mind I'm not going to be. So, I'm moving elsewhere. I think that Fan Fiction and the people that are reporting us is just another thing in the past. It's stupid, and plain hurtful. People have worked for months and **MONTHS** on these stories – coming up with characters, coming up with plots and problems and twists and turns. Just to watch it get deleted within moments. All of that work for _nothing_.

I just wanted to say that I'm now officially on: **Jonas Brothers Fan Fiction Archive . Com**

My username is: **PanicPoo36** (the same as here.)

**Current Updates**:  
I've added "_Guilty Pleasure_", but only chapter one (more will be up ASAP) to my account. I've kept track of my reviews from my stories, so at least I can remember that.  
"_If You Can't Love, You Can't Hurt_" was already uploaded as well. (Another chapter up soon.)  
As for my sequel to "_Guilty Pleasure_" also known as "_Marriage To Millions_" – I won't update it on here but instead I'll add it then update it on the new site. If that makes sense...

I hope this works…but here's my link to my profile! (It's spaced out, but you'll deal :)

http: / / jonas brothers fan ficition archive . com /viewuser.php?uid (enter an "equal" sign here!!) 436

**I'M THERE.**

For the last time, on Fan Fiction:

Peace, Love and Gap.


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